The Quiet Weight Singaporean Fathers Carry (That Nobody Talks About)

I’m a Singaporean husband and father.

You think adulthood is tough? Wait till fatherhood arrives.

Early 40s.
Two young daughters – one is four, the other just turned one.
A wife who holds the family together at home.
And I’m the sole breadwinner.

On paper, I’m doing “well”.

I earn five figures a month.
About $10,000 SGD.

But here’s the truth nobody likes to say out loud:

At the end of most months, there’s barely anything left.

The Singapore Paradox: “Good Salary, Still Struggling”

In Singapore, a $10k salary sounds like you’ve “made it”.

People assume:

You’re comfortable
You’re saving aggressively
You’re investing
You’ve got life figured out

Reality?

Let me break it down – because many fathers are living this silently.

Mortgage (HDB or private, take your pick)
Utilities
Childcare / infant care
Milk powder, diapers, medical visits
Insurance (because you must protect your family)
Parents’ allowance
Transport
Groceries (have you seen food prices lately?)
CPF (important, but it still reduces take-home)

By the time everything is accounted for, what’s left isn’t freedom – it’s anxiety.

Being a Provider Is Not Just About Money

What hits harder than the finances is the mental load.

As a sole breadwinner, you don’t get the luxury of:

“Taking a break”
“Figuring things out later”
“Trying something risky”

Every decision has consequences for four people, not one.

When I wake up, I don’t think:

“How can I enjoy today?”

I think:

“How do I make sure nothing goes wrong?”

Because if I fall:

The bills don’t stop
The kids still need food
The mortgage still runs
Life doesn’t pause

That pressure never switches off.

A Full Day at Work… Then Another Shift at Home

Work doesn’t end when I log off.

After a full day of meetings, deadlines, stress, and responsibility, I go home and immediately switch roles.

I become:

A father who must be present
A husband who must be supportive
A calm adult even when mentally exhausted

My daughters don’t care how tired I am.

They just want:

Daddy to play
Daddy to listen
Daddy to be there

And I do it – not because it’s easy, but because it matters.

Some nights, after they sleep, I just sit quietly.

Not scrolling.
Not relaxing.
Just… breathing.

The Silent Fear Nobody Sees

What keeps many of us up at night isn’t luxury or ambition.

It’s fear.

What if I lose my job?
What if I get sick?
What if the economy turns?
What if I’m not enough?

Singapore is efficient, safe, and structured – but it is also unforgiving.

There is very little room to fail when you’re the only pillar holding everything up.

And yet, we rarely talk about this.

Why Fathers Don’t Speak Up

Because society expects us not to.

Men are supposed to:

Be strong
Be reliable
Be composed
“Handle it”

We complain, and it sounds like we’re ungrateful.
We struggle, and it looks like we’re weak.

So we stay quiet.
We push through.
We internalise it.

And we carry on – because our families depend on us.

This Isn’t a Complaint. It’s a Reality.

I’m not asking for sympathy.

I love my family.
I’m grateful for what I have.
I’m proud to provide.

But I wish more people understood this:

A sole breadwinner’s struggle isn’t visible — but it’s constant.

Behind many calm, functional Singaporean fathers is a man:

Calculating finances in his head
Planning years ahead
Sacrificing silently
Carrying fear without showing it

If You’re Reading This and It Feels Familiar

You’re not weak.
You’re not failing.
You’re not alone.

You’re doing something incredibly difficult – quietly.

And that deserves recognition.

Sometimes, just knowing that someone else understands is enough to keep going.

If this resonates, share it. Not for attention — but so more people realise that behind many “doing fine” men are fathers carrying more than they ever say.

The Merlion Baller